Lately, I've been struggling as most of us do. I have been struggling with work, with friendships, with my relationship, with life.
But I've realized something...I've been listening to all the wrong people.
I've been letting people who have no interest in whether I succeed or fail tell me who I am. Incompetent, useless, not valuable, not worthy... I've learned that these aren't my descriptors. They are the descriptors people BELIEVE that describe me, but I'm not any of those things.
As a plus size woman, I look at my reflection in the mirror and let it dictate my self-esteem. After all, the reflection doesn't lie, right? Wrong! And because I listen to the people's words I begin to feel even worse about myself.
When I feel bad about myself, I believe that I'm not a good friend. That my friends don't want to be burdened with the troubles in my life. So I shut them out.
And I struggle to get up every morning to live a life that I deserve.
The good news is that I've realized these things, but how do I change my behaviors? How do I move past all of these issues?
1) I need to pay attention to the people who love me and who want to see me be all that I can be. To shine like a diamond.
2) I need shut up and actually listen when people who have my best interest at heart tell me that I'm worth more.
3) I need to look at the reflection of myself in the eyes of the man of discerning taste and understand that what he sees is truly beautiful.
4) I need to stop doubting his intentions and remember that he is a man of honor.
5) I need to listen to the people who love me when they say I deserve better. That I'm more intelligent, more beautiful, stronger, wiser, and better than I think I am.
6) I need to remember that no one understands my effort like I do. They only see the output, not the effort that I put forth to achieve that result.
7) My job is not who I am. It does not determine my value, my worth, or define me in any way. I have a lady who calls the office to speak to "Scheduler Kim" and it frustrates me because this woman will then berate me for being unprofessional when our staff doesn't show up to her home. I am Kim and I am a scheduler. I'm very professional because I do keep the inner dialogue in my head from spewing out of my mouth. I cannot be held responsible when adult staff neglect to do their jobs.
8) I need to remember that I am able to remove myself from situations where I am not appreciated.
After all, who has the most to gain from me feeling like a failure? And who has the most to gain if I see and understand my value?
It really is time to make a change in both my mindset and my life.
What about you? Who do you believe? Do you listen to your SO or children when they tell you that you're pretty? Do you listen to your boss when they tell you what an incredible job you're doing or do you downplay your contributions?
Stand tall, Queens! Adjust that crown and remember who you are!