One thing I have learned about self-care is that there needs to be boundaries that are set. Whether or not a person respects your boundaries is an entirely different matter.
I have a friend who is funny, brilliant, but very demanding of my time. I've set boundaries and he's trampled all over them. Which tells me that he has absolutely no respect for me. He gets angry and acts like a petulant child if I'm unable to respond in the middle of my work day. We are in different time zones and very different lines of work. So, what do I do? I've set the boundaries, but they're ignored. I've just stopped making time for him. I will keep his messages unopened until I have the time and energy to deal with him. If I allow him to push through my boundaries, I feel chaotic and stressed out. This friendship will fade away with time, of that I'm sure.
I have a new neighbor who's moved in upstairs. This woman has no idea what boundaries are for. She's literally lived in this apartment for less than a month and I'm tired of repeating myself to her already. (Before you ask, the landlord doesn't give a shit!) She built a fire pit in the backyard…directly in front of my open bedroom window so the smoke blows in. Nobody comes to my house (and I prefer it that way). This woman pounds on my door repeatedly, if I'm home, asking for stuff (toothpaste, toilet paper) and she gives me the excuse, "Well, you're single. You have extra to spare." Uhm…what? She uses my garbage containers because hers are full. Her kids play on my front steps, leaving food there, even after being told that this is my house, not theirs.
As a introvert with consent issues, I feel very violated when people step over my boundaries because they feel their needs are greater than mine.
I limit what I put online because my life is mine. Even if you're in my life, you are on a need to know basis. Only one person has 24/7 open access to me and my life. Most people in my life know I'm in a relationship and am crazy in love with this man. A very few know his name. Fewer yet are those who know the details. And almost everyone completely respects that this is a very sacred thing for him and me. We make the very active choice to keep things private and safe.
The boundaries I set are for me and me alone. They are required to keep me safe. Boundaries are what keep me from going completely feral and hurting people. I don't mind being alone. My house is my safe space where no one is allowed in unless I say so. If I allow you in, whether it's via my social media or physically, please respect my boundaries.
Our time is precious. Our energy should only be given to those who are deserving of it. As readers or movie buffs, we know vampires are fictional. But, if we're being honest, that isn't the case. The blood sucking variety may be not be real, but the energy sucking ones are very real.
Saying "no'' is important. Not allowing everyone to access you is important. Protecting your friendships, relationships, family is important. Because this is all part of self-care. It's not just spa days, lighting candles, and getting enough water. Sometimes, it involves hitting the block, delete, or unfriend buttons in order to restore structure to your world. And saying "no" hurts no one!