I had a whole different blog post written for this week, but I've put it on hold because I'm wondering how many of us are feeling the same way.
Let me tell you what's happened: My boss and co-worker contracted COVID. So, the office was left to me. Now, I don't begrudge them this time. I was actually hoping to get things accomplished while they were out. However...my plans were pushed aside and others took their place. It all started when I had to deal with cranky clients. I understand their dilemmas and even listened to them complain (most were very gracious and understanding of the entire situation), but at some point, my give a damn broke. And I think it was about the time one client began to tell me that I was completely worthless. Why? Because I refused to reschedule an appointment without having a plan in place. Another one heaved and sighed repeatedly telling me how inconvenient this all was. Really? Because we purposefully planned this out with methodical detail...which is why we were scrambling at the last minute to make provisions for everyone. I mean, c'mon! Then, there was one client that I came very close to going off on. She actually told me that this was NO excuse and I should be ashamed of myself. I hung up the phone and laughed until the tears began to run.
I have spent the last 3 days regrouping, sleeping until I can't sleep anymore, waking up to talk to the man who holds my heart, and going back to sleep. I have binge watched cooking programs simply because there are no emotions needed. I haven't cooked or baked because I believe that your feelings and emotions are absorbed into whatever you're making so you should always do those things with love. I haven't had the energy to message friends. And I will never ask someone to hold space for my meltdowns (though Boo does it often). My guy? God, he listened to me and how my thoughts went to places they should never have gone. And he lifted me back up and held on when I was trying to make sense of it all.
Life has been difficult on everyone this year. And I can appreciate that as much as anyone. However, is that a reason to be rude or inconsiderate? No. We are all human beings trying to learn this new way of living our lives. Trust me, this isn't easy on anyone.
But I am finding that kindness is in short supply and my supply has run out. And I can only take so much before I shatter into a million pieces. My mom always told me that it costs nothing to be kind. Unfortunately, I think this is one place where she is wrong. It has cost me a peaceful soul.
Tell me...what do you do when your give a damn is busted? Do you repair it? Or do you simply let it stay broken for awhile?