Let me tell you about a lesson I learned today.
So, a bit over a month ago, I started a new job. It seemed like something that was well within my abilities. Those who love me encouraged me to accept this new job. I was hesitant because I was stepping out of my comfort zone. However, this year seems to be focused on pulling me way outside of my place of comfort.
Between vicious co-workers and the inconsistency in training, I find myself looking at being fired. And overhearing a conversation today that shouldn't have been discussed 1) Outside of an office with a closed door 2) in front of new hires or 3) with everyone EXCEPT the person being spoken about (Me) was not only unprofessional, it was completely rude.
I didn't let my emotions show. I simply did my job to the best of my ability. Just like I've done every day for over a month. Then, the phones quit ringing and the emails stopped pouring in and the office was quiet. And my brain went into overdrive. My anxiety pulled back and gave me a wallop!
I told Boo because goodness knows she knows where I'm at, mentally and emotionally. And I
hesitated to tell the man of discerning taste. Why? Because I don't ever want him to second guess our relationship because of something I've done. And failing at a job would be one of those things.
But he's my best friend, my rock, my love, my pillar of strength, so I poured my heart out expecting the worst because that's what I know from past relationships.
What did he do? Urged me to remember that I am not defined by my job. That my worth isn't contingent upon this job. That my level of intelligence is not measured by this job. And that his love is not measured by this job.
He reminded me that I have options. That there are other jobs who are interested in what I have to offer. Who are willing to train me adequately. And he told me that he loved me.
So as much as we talk about how we are not measured by our looks or body size, let's remember that we also should not be defined by our jobs! We also shouldn't allow people who don't know us in the world to make us feel like we are less than simply because they only perceive us in one dimension.
The woman you see at my job isn't who I am. That woman is so unsteady it isn't funny. She's so unsure of herself and lacks any confidence in herself. In the "real" world, I have confidence in my writing abilities. I know how to make people laugh. I will sit with them when they cry. My heart is very tender. I'm rude. I'm crude. I am an incredible baker and a pretty damn good cook. I have two furry boys who are excited to snuggle when I get home. I have an incredible family who think I'm pretty fucking amazing. And I have this man who loves who I am inside and out.
So judge me on my effort to learn. Don't ignore me when I ask questions or tell me to "figure it out." Because I'll tell you what...it's you who is truly missing out on someone who will give her all to a job who understands her value. And my value isn't based on how many emails I can answer while talking on the phone, scheduling clients, and fixing mistakes management made while trying to tell the veterans and older citizens that they don't matter to the company because they don't bring in the revenue that special needs kids do. And if you know anything about me...you know that my heart hurts every time I tell a veteran that I have no one to help him because the company doesn't see beyond the dollar signs.
My worth is measured by my heart and my compassion. And none of those things will make me a millionaire, but they do make me a pretty damn awesome human being!
