We can all admit that 2020 was not the most stellar year. However, for me, it wasn't all bad. In fact, I'm pretty happy with how it all turned out. Could I go out to restaurants as much I wanted? No, but that just meant parking lot coffee dates with my friends instead. Did I miss going into grocery stores? Oh god, no! I love doing my grocery shopping online. I save money and only get what I need. What about human interaction? If you haven't guessed it by now, I'm not a big "I need to be around people" person. I have my select peeps and that works for me.
For me, 2020 was about discovering who I am. I did things I wouldn't have normally done. And I'm pretty proud of myself. I learned to sit with my emotions and let them wash over me instead of pushing down or aside. I went back to learning new recipes and cooking for myself. I really have tried to better myself for whatever is coming next. Which leads us to 2021.
I've felt like something big is about to happen since around December. And I don't mean like an apocalypse or anything that grandiose. I mean, life changing...for me and mine. I'm not wrong. Things are changing. People are letting go of things that aren't serving them in living the best possible life. And that's how the title for this blog post came to be.
My Boo shared this song with me yesterday and it hit my heart so hard.
I am one who struggles with change. I've lived in the same house in the same city for the last 6 years. The house is in horrible condition, but I've stayed. I hate living in this city, but I've stayed. But 2021 is bringing a need for decisions. No more floundering or waffling. Action needs to be taken. And there are some big changes coming down. I met someone and fell hard. Which means making space for him in my life. I'm a very independent person (or at least, I had become one), but I'm finding myself leaning on him and being more dependent on his input and opinions.
Then, there is the fading... The people who won't be moving on with me to the next stage of my life. And that damn near breaks my heart. If I've ever loved you, I always will to some point. But this next part of my journey isn't meant for everyone and I know some people will be heading off in their own directions as I move on. I'm letting go of certain hopes and dreams that no longer serve the person I am becoming. I am attempting to embrace the fade as I choose what dreams to take with me. Writing will always be a part of who I am and sharing my story... well, I'm just getting started with that. College? Well, that's still one of those things I'm deciding. Teaching isn't on my agenda. At least not as I originally planned. So that dream fades away.
So, it is time to stop pretending to be what the world wants me to be. It is time to let go of societal views on who I am or who I should be. After a lifetime of being who and what was expected of me and attempting to fit into some box to keep everyone else comfortable, it is time to let it fade. I generally come across as a bit of a rebel...until you really get to know me. Don't let the colored hair and ripped jeans fool you! I'm very good at letting people see exactly what they want to see. But this is all coming to an end. It is time to let it all fade and live my best and most genuine life. It means that I will be speaking up more. Whether for myself or for women, my voice will be heard in some manner.
If you continue on this journey with me, I'm glad to have you. If you go off on your own journey, I wish you the best of luck and rest assured that you will live in my heart.
Fading is never easy. Endings are extremely hard. Change is oftentimes painful. However, toxicity is damaging. And, in order to have a new beginning, we must all have some sort of ending.
So, let's embrace the fade and let go of what we can no longer carry. Our past is meant to stay in the past and our future is awaiting us.
Best wishes and bright blessings as we continue on our journeys!