I've been a little quiet here lately. Mainly because I haven't felt like I had much to say. Life has been making me it's bitch and my anxiety has just taken over.
And no one else can relate to that...right? I've tried to cut myself off from most everyone so that my ick doesn't bleed into their worlds, but there are a couple that just won't let go...no matter how hard I make it.
So, let me share...
I have been job searching. Nothing was coming through so I took a job for less money, less hours, in a field that just isn't for me. Why? I was tired of being told I was lazy because I was drawing unemployment.
The job was awful. Shifts were cancelled repeatedly. Hours were added without my knowledge. Breaks weren't scheduled properly. I was just at a breaking point.
A recruiter reached out and asked me to interview for a job opening they had. I didn't feel qualified, but I said "yes" to the interview. I got the job!
Fast forward to today...I had my orientation today. I woke up with the start of a migraine that was threatening to kill me. I got up, took the dogs out, and fed them before going back to bed to sleep as long as I dared.
I woke up feeling bitchy...like maybe I needed to cancel this orientation. However, I need the damn job to pay my bills, so that really wasn't an option.
I got ready to go. Almost forgot to eat, but made myself a quick egg sandwich and scarfed it down while I got dressed. Put the boys in their crates, sent the man of distinguished taste his daily selfie, then had to pee. I left the house with mere minutes to spare.
I drove the 37 minutes to the new office. Was ten minutes late because my GPS lies. Got out of the car and walked to the door. Dropped my phone, screen down, and shattered the screen on the pavement. Phone still works, thank God, but I will be slicing up my fingers until I can afford a new one.
Went through orientation. Was asked to come back tomorrow. Put my last $20 in my gas tank (I am expecting 2 paychecks soon so I'm good) and came home.
Run the boys out to potty and went to change my clothes...to find that for the 4 hours I was gone? My toilet had been running and had flooded the bathroom and my bedroom. I sat down and cried. I mean, sobbed hard!
The man of distinguished taste messaged as did Boo. I set to cleaning up the mess. Luckily, I have a carpet cleaner to suck up the excess water.
The boys were upset because I hadn't fed them. My day was just a wreck and I mentioned to the man that he deserved better than me. Luckily, he laughed it off and just told me that he loved me. (He's amazing that way!) Boo advised me to clean up the mess, eat something, then take my crabby ass to bed. (Yeah, she gets me!)
Yet, even at my worst, these two are here! My support system!
The other day, this brilliant man told me how proud he is of me. When I asked him, "Why?" He simply said it is because of all that I'm doing to empower and strengthen women. It took my breath away. In all of my life, I've rarely felt like I'm noticed, but he sees me and my mission. Eventually, this will be the only thing I have to worry about because, again, this man is just incredible.
Then, there's Boo... she doesn't mince words with me. The loving woman who is so laid back and rolls with the punches isn't when it comes to me. She lays out the hard truths and keeps me grounded in reality. She calls it like she sees it and doesn't put up with too much of my bullshit!
So, for now, I'm sharing my story because maybe someone else can relate. And I'm going to go to bed soon, praying tomorrow is a better day for everyone!
And then, I'm going to remember this. Take a deep breath in. Believe in the possibilities and myself. Release the negativity. Receive the blessings that are waiting for me.
Then, I'll thank God for the people who love me when I sure as Hell don't deserve it!