I'm not known for giving up without a fight. In fact, if you ask the people who know me best, they will tell you that I fight every step of the way. I'm not a quitter by any standard.
I stayed in a marriage where I was drowning and unhappy for far longer than I should have. Why? Because I didn't want people to think of me as a failure.
However, lately, I've had a lot on my mind. There are some big changes coming my way and I've been fighting against the current. All that has done is leave me exhausted. So, I've been thinking a lot about my past decisions that have led me to this place. There is not one regret in all of those decisions because each turn led me to this place in my life and I'm really digging the place that I'm in. But what if I would have given up sooner? What if, instead of fighting the process and the changes, I would have just given myself over to them? Would I have gotten here sooner?
There was a suggestion made the other day and that is what made me think...HARD! I've been scared of change for so long. And I've always been willing to settle for what makes me comfortable. However, when I mentioned this to a friend, the words, "Life begins outside your comfort zone," came flowing forth.
Without change, we cannot grow and we all need to grow to become who we are meant to be. However, this means putting aside the thoughts and fears that hold us back. For me, it also means tucking some dreams away and living a different life than I had ever imagined. It's scary! And in some stupid mindset, it feels like I'm giving up.
See, I was never taught that giving up may actually mean that I'm giving in. I've fought against rules and regulations. I've questioned things to death. I always want to know "WHY" I need to do things a particular way or act in a certain capacity. I'm one of those people who just can't settle for the ordinary. My dad used to tell me, "You should be a lawyer. Girl, if someone told you the sky was blue, you'd argue with them that it was purple, then make them question their own beliefs." My mom would tell me to do something as a kid and my sassy self would say, "Why?" to which she'd always respond, "Because I said so."
I've fought for so long against change. I'm getting older I will admit, but I refuse to "act my age." I always dated older men. After all, younger men are immature, right? Wanna know a secret? Once I gave into the whole "cougar" mindset, I've really been missing out! My dad would tease me that I would live in Wisconsin before it was all said and done. I told him, "When Hell freezes over." Almost 7 years now and this is where I live. And now there is this new thought on the table that I'm mulling over which is going to require me to step out of my comfort zone and embrace change. I could question every little thing and fight it every step of the way, but I'm tired ya'll. I'm am damn tired. Like tired in my soul tired. So instead of giving up the fight, I'm giving in to the current. I'm waving the white flag and surrendering myself to the process. My mother would call this "trusting God." Boo would say this is "having faith." And the old me would call this "being a quitter." Anyway, you look at it, I'm stepping outside my comfort zone once again.
So, if you're fighting changes in your life, know you're not alone. We are all experiencing changes in some capacity. Whether it is jobs, kids leaving home, relationships ending/beginning, or just the natural aging process. We are all in this somehow.
Stop fighting the current and roll with the waves for a while. They may lift you on their crests and land you in a paradise you never dreamed of or they may push you back to shore to continue on with the life that is in front of you. Either way, it's exactly where you're supposed to be...if you only give in.