Every year I write a letter to Saint Nick. Why? It started off as something to help me ask for things that I knew I needed, but couldn't say out loud to anyone because they wouldn't understand. And it has become my tradition.
It's been a long time since I've been able to "feel" the holiday spirit, but this helps in a small way. I was asked if I mail it out and I do...every year! After all, Santa knows all, but even he forgets certain elements, right?
Dear Santa,
I pray this finds you and yours doing well. As you know, I'm doing alright. I have a lot of good things happening in my life.
But let's be honest, we both know this year has been really hard. Between deployment, the job that sucked my soul dry, being unemployed, finding the new job, being broke, feeling broken, and...did I mention this damn deployment, this year took all I had to survive. In the midst of it all, I tried very hard to be a good friend, a thoughtful daughter, a loving girlfriend, and a compassionate human being. Was I successful? I don't think so. I feel like I fell short of expectations. But, again, if we're being honest, they were MY expectations and no one else's.
I also know there are others in this world who have had a much harder year. I do know how blessed I am and I am so very grateful. And there are so many children who are suffering in this world. Those are the things that hurt my heart.
While there are children around the world who definitely take precedence over my wishes, there isn't much I need to be happy. I'm discovering that each year these things become less. Isn't it funny how we learn and grow? However, I do have a few things I'd like to request, if it is in your power.
That man of mine. If you could pick him up and bring him home to me, that would be fantastic. If not, please stop and give him all my love. Remind him that I promised to wait for him and I am keeping that promise...a bit impatiently. While you're there, could you thank all of the amazing men and women he serves with, remind them that there are people back in the states who love them.
2. Could you remind the children who are dealing with loss, mental health issues, abuse, feelings of being unwanted that they are strong and that there are people who are waiting to love them?
3. If you have a moment to pop into heaven, could you hug my dad and my family? Maybe toss a ball or two for my furkids?
4. While I could ask for world peace, we both know that's next to impossible. And it would put my man out of a job. So, maybe just help mankind to be kinder to each other.
As you can see, not much has changed on my list. This world is going crazy and looking for a light in the darkness is sometimes harder than most imagine. So often I try to be the light, but instead I get swallowed up in the darkness.
Santa, life is good and getting better. Next year, I'll be in a different house in a different state with that amazing man of mine, but I'll make sure to keep in touch. After all, with 4 furkids, you know we'll be needing a human child to love soon.
Say hello to Mrs. Claus and tell the elves to keep up the good work. Please boop the reindeer's noses for me and give them some good scratches.
I wish you a safe and uneventful journey.
All my love,
Kim